:cheesy: :cheesy:
those pics are great!!!!
F1 jokes
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[FIN]SpeedFreak
- GP2 Driver
- Posts: 262
- Joined: 09 Apr 2007, 17:54
- Location: Finland
Here's very funny text, WARNING: DON'T DIE TO LAUGH!!!
Schumacher is uneasy
We have got special information about the atmosphere in Scuderia Ferrari after the eventful weekend in Spa. The Maranello men have spent their week testing in Monza and their number one driver is still a bit anxious...
* * * * *
Jean Todt drinks coffee in the Ferrari motorhome. Michael Schumacher steps in.
TODT: Hi Michael. Ca va?
SCHUMACHER: Jean! This is horrible! I just passed the McLaren pits and they tried to kill me again!
TODT: Calm down Michael. You have been tense like a violin string the whole week. Want some coffee?
SCHUMACHER: Yes, please (sits down and pours himself some coffee).
SCHUMACHER: Jean.
TODT: Yes, Michael?
SCHUMACHER: Who has made this coffee?
TODT: Eddie. Why?
SCHUMACHER: Do you mean Eddie Jordan? I don't want to drink as he also tries to kill...
TODT (interrupts): Calm down Michael. Nobody tries to kill you. And that coffee is made by Eddie Irvine, our subordinated second driver.
SCHUMACHER: Ah, Eddie Irvine. Ok. Where is he btw?
TODT: Washing toilets. It's in his contract.
TODT: Michael...
SCHUMACHER: Yes, Jean?
TODT: Can't you finally take that helmet off. That looks ridiculous. And what are you doing with that straw? Why can't you drink from a coffee cup like the rest of us?
SCHUMACHER: I won't remove my helmet. See, McLaren tries to kill...
TODT (flaring up): Shut up Michael! Relax! Nobody tries to kill you.
SCHUMACHER: Yes they do. See, I'm sure that McLaren has in their pits a gigantic ion gun here in Monza and they try to irradiate me with it. It's controlled in the McLaren car with that green button. But they won't succeed because I'm wearing my helmet. See, I have added a layer of folio inside my helmet so that it protects me better from radiation. Look!
TODT: (Puke) No wonder you sweat and smell like that. What does Corinna say?
SCHUMACHER: Nothing. This helmet is so big that we can't sleep in the same bed any more.
SCHUMACHER: Jean.
TODT (sighing) Yes, Michael?
SCHUMACHER: I have one more request. Could I get a carbon fibre armor?
TODT: WHAT?
SCHUMACHER: Yee-es. Could I get an armor made of carbon fibre? See, McLaren is trying to...
TODT (interrupts): ...kill you, yes indeed! Unless I get to kill you before they do! (sighs) Oui, oui Michael, if it makes you happy. But an armor like that is really expensive. Carbon fibre is not like perspex.
SCHUMACHER: Couldn't we paint it red and let our sponsors advertize on it? We would get some extra money...
TODT: Great idea! That would pay for manufacturing the armor and we could even get profit. Brilliant! I'll call Ross Brawn and tell them to start working on it right away.
After a few days Michael gets his armor. Everybody are happy but one day Brawn runs to Todt's motorhome:
BRAWN: Jean! This is horrible! There has been an accident with Michael!
TODT: What? Has McLaren after all tried to kill him?
BRAWN: No, not at all. But he is unconscious and in the hospital. See, Michael was walking in his new armor on the pitlane when our boys were practising pit stops. For some reason they thought that Michael was a Ferrari. And before anyone noticed, he was refilled and with fresh rubber. It was all over in 6,9 seconds.
TODT: My God! That's awful!
BRAWN: How come? I think the time is not that bad.
TODT: You idiot. I mean Michael. How is he?
BRAWN: I guess he's pretty ok. It could have been better because we didn't get ro revive him right away. It was hard to remove the fuel hose because of the suction…
Schumacher is uneasy
We have got special information about the atmosphere in Scuderia Ferrari after the eventful weekend in Spa. The Maranello men have spent their week testing in Monza and their number one driver is still a bit anxious...
* * * * *
Jean Todt drinks coffee in the Ferrari motorhome. Michael Schumacher steps in.
TODT: Hi Michael. Ca va?
SCHUMACHER: Jean! This is horrible! I just passed the McLaren pits and they tried to kill me again!
TODT: Calm down Michael. You have been tense like a violin string the whole week. Want some coffee?
SCHUMACHER: Yes, please (sits down and pours himself some coffee).
SCHUMACHER: Jean.
TODT: Yes, Michael?
SCHUMACHER: Who has made this coffee?
TODT: Eddie. Why?
SCHUMACHER: Do you mean Eddie Jordan? I don't want to drink as he also tries to kill...
TODT (interrupts): Calm down Michael. Nobody tries to kill you. And that coffee is made by Eddie Irvine, our subordinated second driver.
SCHUMACHER: Ah, Eddie Irvine. Ok. Where is he btw?
TODT: Washing toilets. It's in his contract.
TODT: Michael...
SCHUMACHER: Yes, Jean?
TODT: Can't you finally take that helmet off. That looks ridiculous. And what are you doing with that straw? Why can't you drink from a coffee cup like the rest of us?
SCHUMACHER: I won't remove my helmet. See, McLaren tries to kill...
TODT (flaring up): Shut up Michael! Relax! Nobody tries to kill you.
SCHUMACHER: Yes they do. See, I'm sure that McLaren has in their pits a gigantic ion gun here in Monza and they try to irradiate me with it. It's controlled in the McLaren car with that green button. But they won't succeed because I'm wearing my helmet. See, I have added a layer of folio inside my helmet so that it protects me better from radiation. Look!
TODT: (Puke) No wonder you sweat and smell like that. What does Corinna say?
SCHUMACHER: Nothing. This helmet is so big that we can't sleep in the same bed any more.
SCHUMACHER: Jean.
TODT (sighing) Yes, Michael?
SCHUMACHER: I have one more request. Could I get a carbon fibre armor?
TODT: WHAT?
SCHUMACHER: Yee-es. Could I get an armor made of carbon fibre? See, McLaren is trying to...
TODT (interrupts): ...kill you, yes indeed! Unless I get to kill you before they do! (sighs) Oui, oui Michael, if it makes you happy. But an armor like that is really expensive. Carbon fibre is not like perspex.
SCHUMACHER: Couldn't we paint it red and let our sponsors advertize on it? We would get some extra money...
TODT: Great idea! That would pay for manufacturing the armor and we could even get profit. Brilliant! I'll call Ross Brawn and tell them to start working on it right away.
After a few days Michael gets his armor. Everybody are happy but one day Brawn runs to Todt's motorhome:
BRAWN: Jean! This is horrible! There has been an accident with Michael!
TODT: What? Has McLaren after all tried to kill him?
BRAWN: No, not at all. But he is unconscious and in the hospital. See, Michael was walking in his new armor on the pitlane when our boys were practising pit stops. For some reason they thought that Michael was a Ferrari. And before anyone noticed, he was refilled and with fresh rubber. It was all over in 6,9 seconds.
TODT: My God! That's awful!
BRAWN: How come? I think the time is not that bad.
TODT: You idiot. I mean Michael. How is he?
BRAWN: I guess he's pretty ok. It could have been better because we didn't get ro revive him right away. It was hard to remove the fuel hose because of the suction…
Last edited by [FIN]SpeedFreak on 31 May 2007, 19:38, edited 1 time in total.
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[FIN]SpeedFreak
- GP2 Driver
- Posts: 262
- Joined: 09 Apr 2007, 17:54
- Location: Finland
And another:
Arrows' refuelling difficulties in Imola
Arrow's long lasting refuelling in Imola grew into a huge spectakel that took away Mika Salo's possibilities to score some points in the race. We add to the scandal by letting you know word by word what really happened in the Arrows pits:
* * * * *
Salo drives past
MECHANIC 1: Guys, he hasn't retired yet.
MECHANIC 2: Yeah. If this continues, we have to wait here the whole race.
MECHANIC 3: Don't mention about it. In Australia and South-America we got free almost right away but here time just crawls and our butts go numb.
On the next lap Salo enters the pitlane
MECHANIC 1: Oh my god, he is coming here!
MECHANIC 2: Oh no. What should we do?
MECHANIC 3: Let's hide in the pits and hope that he just drives past. The guys at McLaren did that to Hakkinen in Melbourne and it worked perfectly.
MECHANIC 2: No, really! What are we supposed to do?
MECHANIC 1: Walkinshaw said before the race that we are taking care of refueling. But who could have known that the car lasts until a pitstop? How do you refuel cars, BTW?
MECHANIC 2: RTFM - Read the f**k**g manual! Let's spy on neighbours and pretend that we know something about it.
Salo stops. Mechanics 1 and 2 attach the fuel hose and mechanic 3 starts using the fuel pump
MECHANIC 1: Hey, we're getting no fuel.
MECHANIC 3: Oh? The fuel pump says: "Insert cash or credit card".
MECHANIC 2: This can't be true. Do something and quick!
MECHANIC 3: Wait a second (reaching for his wallet)... ok ...
MECHANIC 2: Still no fuel. What card is that one?
MECHANIC 3: The local grocery store card. I left all the other cards at home because of security reasons if we're going to a night club to look at babes tonight.
MECHANIC 2 (flaring up): Put some money to the damn machine and fast!
MECHANIC 3: Ok, ok. No need to shout.
Mechanic 3 inserts some bills in the fuel pump
MECHANIC 3: Done! What do you want?
MECHANIC 1: What do you mean with "what do you want"?
MECHANIC 3: Yee-es. What kind of fuel do you want? Unleaded, leaded or diesel?
MECHANIC 1: How should I know. Ask Mika.
MECHANIC 2 (shouting): Hey Mika! Is that a diesel car or what?!
MIKA SALO: What the f***...
Tom Walkinshaw arrives
MECHANIC 3: Cool, Tommy came. Ask him if he knows.
WALKINSHAW: What's going on? Why is the car still here?
MECHANIC 1: Well, we don't really know what that car kinda...
WALKINSHAW (interrupts): No explaining. Get the car back on the track and fast. Go go go!
The mechanics refuel the car and Salo re-enters the race. Walkinshaw leaves.
MECHANIC 2: Phew. How much fuel did we get?
MECHANIC 1: Hey, how much money did you put into the damn thing?
MECHANIC 3: Pretty much! Three thousand San Marino ecus.
MECHANIC 1: WHAT?
MECHANIC 3: Three thousand San Marino ecus. Don't they have some kind of a monetary union here on the Continent?
MECHANIC 1: You idiot. We are now in Italy and the currency here is lire.
MECHANIC 3: Oh? How many pounds is a lire?
MECHANIC 1: Three thousand lires make approximately one pound. Happy?
MECHANIC 3: Oh shoot. I guess I'll run to exchange some more money before Salo comes back in (leaves).
Arrows' refuelling difficulties in Imola
Arrow's long lasting refuelling in Imola grew into a huge spectakel that took away Mika Salo's possibilities to score some points in the race. We add to the scandal by letting you know word by word what really happened in the Arrows pits:
* * * * *
Salo drives past
MECHANIC 1: Guys, he hasn't retired yet.
MECHANIC 2: Yeah. If this continues, we have to wait here the whole race.
MECHANIC 3: Don't mention about it. In Australia and South-America we got free almost right away but here time just crawls and our butts go numb.
On the next lap Salo enters the pitlane
MECHANIC 1: Oh my god, he is coming here!
MECHANIC 2: Oh no. What should we do?
MECHANIC 3: Let's hide in the pits and hope that he just drives past. The guys at McLaren did that to Hakkinen in Melbourne and it worked perfectly.
MECHANIC 2: No, really! What are we supposed to do?
MECHANIC 1: Walkinshaw said before the race that we are taking care of refueling. But who could have known that the car lasts until a pitstop? How do you refuel cars, BTW?
MECHANIC 2: RTFM - Read the f**k**g manual! Let's spy on neighbours and pretend that we know something about it.
Salo stops. Mechanics 1 and 2 attach the fuel hose and mechanic 3 starts using the fuel pump
MECHANIC 1: Hey, we're getting no fuel.
MECHANIC 3: Oh? The fuel pump says: "Insert cash or credit card".
MECHANIC 2: This can't be true. Do something and quick!
MECHANIC 3: Wait a second (reaching for his wallet)... ok ...
MECHANIC 2: Still no fuel. What card is that one?
MECHANIC 3: The local grocery store card. I left all the other cards at home because of security reasons if we're going to a night club to look at babes tonight.
MECHANIC 2 (flaring up): Put some money to the damn machine and fast!
MECHANIC 3: Ok, ok. No need to shout.
Mechanic 3 inserts some bills in the fuel pump
MECHANIC 3: Done! What do you want?
MECHANIC 1: What do you mean with "what do you want"?
MECHANIC 3: Yee-es. What kind of fuel do you want? Unleaded, leaded or diesel?
MECHANIC 1: How should I know. Ask Mika.
MECHANIC 2 (shouting): Hey Mika! Is that a diesel car or what?!
MIKA SALO: What the f***...
Tom Walkinshaw arrives
MECHANIC 3: Cool, Tommy came. Ask him if he knows.
WALKINSHAW: What's going on? Why is the car still here?
MECHANIC 1: Well, we don't really know what that car kinda...
WALKINSHAW (interrupts): No explaining. Get the car back on the track and fast. Go go go!
The mechanics refuel the car and Salo re-enters the race. Walkinshaw leaves.
MECHANIC 2: Phew. How much fuel did we get?
MECHANIC 1: Hey, how much money did you put into the damn thing?
MECHANIC 3: Pretty much! Three thousand San Marino ecus.
MECHANIC 1: WHAT?
MECHANIC 3: Three thousand San Marino ecus. Don't they have some kind of a monetary union here on the Continent?
MECHANIC 1: You idiot. We are now in Italy and the currency here is lire.
MECHANIC 3: Oh? How many pounds is a lire?
MECHANIC 1: Three thousand lires make approximately one pound. Happy?
MECHANIC 3: Oh shoot. I guess I'll run to exchange some more money before Salo comes back in (leaves).
Re: F1 jokes
Rain-kkonen wrote:
how's?
Re: F1 jokes
Rain-kkonen wrote:
how's?
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modbaraban
- kart driver
- Posts: 36
- Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 11:57
- Location: Kyiv. Ukraine
- Contact:
I hope this isn't too much for a 'little' Kimster tribute :|
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/kimisil.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/heavyfuel.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/redphase.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/cocktail.jpg
http://www.f1world.kiev.ua/forum/upload ... 610125.jpg
http://www.f1world.kiev.ua/forum/upload ... 019649.jpg
http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/6654 ... c07ug1.jpg
http://www.motorsport-total.com/bilder/ ... 195259.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/rascasse2008.gif
http://www.fiatplus.com/f-76.jpg
http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/7327/86436940qv.jpg
http://www.formulaf1.com/wp-content/upl ... -shoot.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/kimisil.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/heavyfuel.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/redphase.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/cocktail.jpg
http://www.f1world.kiev.ua/forum/upload ... 610125.jpg
http://www.f1world.kiev.ua/forum/upload ... 019649.jpg
http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/6654 ... c07ug1.jpg
http://www.motorsport-total.com/bilder/ ... 195259.jpg
http://f1manchild.googlepages.com/rascasse2008.gif
http://www.fiatplus.com/f-76.jpg
http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/7327/86436940qv.jpg
http://www.formulaf1.com/wp-content/upl ... -shoot.jpg
