**Joke Thread**

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cava_pa
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**Joke Thread**

Post by cava_pa » 22 Dec 2006, 16:16

The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
_____

The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
_____

The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you
to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved
for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
_____

The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
_____

The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and
a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
_____

The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
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FLORENT PAGNY!

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iceman1
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Post by iceman1 » 22 Dec 2006, 21:23

hhhhhhh :lol: :lol: :lol: tnx u tnx u really funny

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f1down4ce
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Post by f1down4ce » 13 Apr 2007, 19:22

=D>
"Some things have to be endured and that's what makes the pleasures so sweet."

_*kimi-Iku*_
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Post by _*kimi-Iku*_ » 14 Apr 2007, 13:02

hahahaha ya!!
http://www.kr-iceman.phpbb24.com [Spanish & English Kimi Forum]*
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lyder00
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Post by lyder00 » 15 May 2007, 13:57

haha realy fun :cheesy: :mrgreen:

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theo
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Post by theo » 16 May 2007, 21:40

thanks, they are really funny! :cheesy: :mrgreen: :cheesy: i like the restaurant one, they're all nice
GO KIMIIII....

_*kimi-Iku*_
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Post by _*kimi-Iku*_ » 21 May 2007, 11:45

when i read again the jokes.. my face is that one -> :cheesy: hahahahaha
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WDC
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Post by WDC » 28 May 2007, 11:50

lol... not bad, thanks!
Thankyou Schumi you will always have a place in our hearts!
Michael Schumacher- 7 volte Campione del mondo!
SIMPLY THE BEST

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danny87
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Re: new jokes...

Post by danny87 » 25 Jun 2007, 23:07

Don't be offended by this, its not meant to be racist, but my dad sent me this one

" 50 years ago 21 white men chasing a black man were called the Ku Klux Clan...... Now they call it Formula 1"
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Silver Shadow
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Re: new jokes...

Post by Silver Shadow » 26 Jun 2007, 04:21

Love your joke Danny!
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